Human Consciousness - By Moazim

Why do we think? Why do we sometimes become self aware to such an extent that we lose contact with everything around us? Why do we begin to realize something which others can't? Why do we start looking for meaning ?

To make the readers at least grasp the slightest idea of Human Consciousness, I've got a historic account which is completely relevant. 

Well, these questions were haunting me since I was in 6th grade when a sudden realization overwhelmed me. This realization indicated the life of a victim in a cycle which demands everything you own with nothing but sorrow in return. To make myself clear, It was like we were the part of some loop which was orchestrated and bent to someone else's interest. As I delved deeper into the ocean of thoughts, within a few days, I lost my identity-the way I used to be in class. The toll on me was slow but relentless. And soon I gave up the way I perceived things just out of the blue! I know it's horrible and sounds made-up but believe it's trueness. I felt like it was some kind of misery as to be alienated from our classmates, being consumed by some absurd thoughts with no end. To me, it was nothing but an ominous curse which eats up your mind constantly. When I tried to explain it to others, their only response was, " Have you lost yourself?" or "It's stress, stop thinking so much."  Logically speaking, why would I deny the existence of something that is clearly there? Similar to what people say that don't think which makes me laugh as just by yelling at yourself doesn't stop the flow, rather increases it. For example, I'll tell you to not think of a cat. Will you think of it? Of course Yes! That my friend, is consciousness. But to make them understand all this? Never mind, as arguing with a fool proves that there are two. It was clear that I couldn't explain something I didn't understand myself. And that worsened this illness. I started to feel sick, sick by absurd thoughts, sick by losing interest in everything. As normally enough, these thoughts strike prior to one's death and funnily enough, I began to accept mine. I slowly became immobilized and associated myself with a dying insect who is grasping for life and in my case, grasping for meaning otherwise desiring for the eradication of this overwhelming conviction. Simply, I became like Gregor Samsa of Franz Kafka's Metamorphosis which I had read a month before these events took place. Who would have thought I'd become the protagonist? Except, of course, I didn't actually transform into the insect.

Gregor Samsa (On one morning), From Kafka's Metamorphosis - 1915

So whilst skipping my history, ask that why we wake up and look for existential meaning? Is it because we are the apex beings having highest intellect in the tree of evolution? Or have we suffered in our past too much that there's no peace to suffice and so we seek refuge finding life's meaning? I know I might sound vague or unclear but one cannot make the other understand, he can only make him realize. 

I want the readers to perceive that at some point in our life, we somehow provide ourselves the incentive to achieve something as a matter of goal or destiny. But have we yet found who we are actually? Or are we conscious regarding the life we are leading? 

Perhaps that is the essence of consciousness-not to find an answer, but to keep searching. 

Man is in constant conflict with himself.

-Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Also, any different approach or interpretation is welcomed regarding the topic along with ratification on my email. The readers can also comment and share their ideas as they must be less weird than mine.

-By Moazim 
Notes from the Dungeon.
The VORTEX
Email: moazimfarooq8@gmail.com